Saturday, December 31, 2005
jerusalem blues
Luggage arrived for everyone, that was like Christmas coming late, or early if you go by the Orthodox calendar. Police, in blue, army in green, all armed, in good number and arresting so many Palestinian men at the moment. More wall built of course. Good to see everyone who I'm with getting stuck into the dynamics of this place. Two phrases which have strong currency and are being repeated 'bitter sweet' and 'tragic farce'. The desert, wall and Old City tourism is at an end. Galilee and Jordan next. Happy New Year to all. X
Thursday, December 29, 2005
a deeper sort of magic
Christmas had odd echoes of something from childhood -- TV and half connected company with dear friends and family took me somewhere deep and distant. Palestine, yes I'm back, has some strange echoes too, here with no room in the plane for the luggage means there is a disjointedness with the way I'm used to travelling. Now it is as an imperative rather than a past time to go shopping -- we all need stuff, a different depth of engagement maybe. Saw some uncovered parts of the 1st century Jerusalem landscape at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, a site regarded as the place of death and resurrection of Christ: I thought of the deeper kind of magic C S Lewis refers to in The L the W and the W-D!
Sunday, December 25, 2005
made it!
Made it through Advent, its been a bloody hard journey and better than I could have imagined. Also made it to Cambridgeshire at midnight for Christmas communion, after a mid-evening Christmas Eve service at Visions in York. After time with my goddaughter and dear friends I'm across to Derby to see my sister, brother-in-law and nieces, before getting back to York on Boxing Day. Have to get back to York so as to travel with 10 others that same evening to Heathrow -- I'm heading back to the Holy Land and Jordan for 12 days -- flying early on the 27th!
Friday, December 23, 2005
"free at last"
I have often thought about this fourth section from the Martin Luther King 'I have a dream' speech since I heard it explored in music at Greenbelt by jazz musician Denys Baptiste a couple of years ago. MLK preached this fourth section long before the kingdom had broken through for blacks in the U.S.. He spoke with a prophetic, hopeful anticipation of the way things could be. That's something I've been discovering on my via negativa way through Advent (see early December entries). It's been particularly since Canterbury Cathedral (see December 17) that I've been experiencing the happiness of knowing that although freedom hasn't fully arrived, what has come of it is evidence that there'll be much much more of the same. Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we're free at last.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
mini-dinner party in desert
Joined in with a mini mini dinner party at my flat. One familiar, one new person. Very funny, lots of frankness and honesty and semi-ironic semi-serious pop-psychology. That's the fifth dinner thing in five days -- I'm thriving on it, and it's a good let up from the desert way I'm walking at the moment. I'm loving the desert, not particularly comfortable, glad to be out of my comfort zone though for the power the desert has to confront me about what really matters and who I am.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
lovely people
I'm enjoying and appreciating the people around me so much at the moment. It was good to see a Nottingham friend at Visions service and party on Sunday night (maybe they'll even move to York). Liked the fact that both people who've been lodging with me came along too -- all felt very connected. Went for a gentle evening with a couple of friends last night more good food and good talking about many things, including unlocking creativity.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
early christmas
Had a lovely Saturday breakfast morning at Hathersage with good friends, a walk at Grindleford -- more breakfast at the station cafe -- love the signage there -- it says things like 'THIS IS A SERVING HATCH NOT A VIEWING GALLERY' and 'WE DON'T DO SCRAMBLED EGGS ON SUNDAY SO DON'T ASK'! Walked and talked some more. Healing in talking -- good stuff.
Then back over the hill to Sheffield for a bit of family Christmas. Lovely to have time with three generations of family and to eat good food. Went to see the Sheffield Phoenix and Hebrew Dictionary rooms at the Arts Tower and hear a bit about the changes going on there. Good food, good company.
This morning went to meet Onyx for the first time, a horse owned within the family. Fantastic to be able to ride on such a large creature -- it was my first full size horse ride ever -- managed to stop, start, and even managed three correct bounces on the trot! Loved it!
Then back over the hill to Sheffield for a bit of family Christmas. Lovely to have time with three generations of family and to eat good food. Went to see the Sheffield Phoenix and Hebrew Dictionary rooms at the Arts Tower and hear a bit about the changes going on there. Good food, good company.
This morning went to meet Onyx for the first time, a horse owned within the family. Fantastic to be able to ride on such a large creature -- it was my first full size horse ride ever -- managed to stop, start, and even managed three correct bounces on the trot! Loved it!
Friday, December 16, 2005
not a tame lion
I dashed from York as term ended to come and watch the Chronicles of Narnia in Sheffield with a couple of friends. I found it beautiful and healing. I would have been glad for longer to have been spent on the moments of pathos; altogether though it was superb. We sat together afterwards looking at the illustrations from the book and seeing what a good job had been done on many counts. My sense of the film connected to the way I've been rather shaken by the power of the Canterbury experience. Also, I am deeply aware of how untame the nature of God is -- and how remarkably unpredictable.
God and one friend in particular have been, this year, to me, like the frontiers of the sea, coming and going, sometimes quite unbearably. I wouldn't want it any other way though -- and I want to let the knowing of them to continue to be to me as strong as the tide. Lucy, in book and film, wonders about Aslan's sudden departure -- and I wonder, sometimes, whether the sea will ever come back, and of course I won't know that unless it does. That's the agony and ecstasy of letting others be the seas that they are to me. That's what costs so much in risking desiring God, for God is stronger than the power of the sea and God moves across the face of my life in ways as mysterious as they are overwhelming: the untame lion who is very kind.
God and one friend in particular have been, this year, to me, like the frontiers of the sea, coming and going, sometimes quite unbearably. I wouldn't want it any other way though -- and I want to let the knowing of them to continue to be to me as strong as the tide. Lucy, in book and film, wonders about Aslan's sudden departure -- and I wonder, sometimes, whether the sea will ever come back, and of course I won't know that unless it does. That's the agony and ecstasy of letting others be the seas that they are to me. That's what costs so much in risking desiring God, for God is stronger than the power of the sea and God moves across the face of my life in ways as mysterious as they are overwhelming: the untame lion who is very kind.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Christmas Address: No Doom No Vroom!
(Hebrews 4.1-4)
I wonder what we think of when we consider the phrase ‘Christmas Spirit’ – I guess many of us think of closeness, of giving tokens of love and friendship, of happiness and all being right on the domestic front, a break from work, a chance to go to Church again, or for a change. That’s the way I’ve tended to think – now though I’ve changed a bit, this year’s had a strange affect on me. Now when I think of Christmas spirit I tend to think of apocalypse and hope – and I think that way because its exactly what we need – it is only by thinking apocalyptic and hopeful thoughts that we can get a move on, and we certainly need that. Let me explain.
Here comes the end of the year and with it our many perspectives on what kind of year it was. What kind of year was it for you? Did it fulfil all your wildest hopes and dreams, and some? Was it average, or just plain horrible? I guess there’ll have been a bit of everything for each of us; some wonderful stuff, some horribleness and some things which were just plain average.
And if we had someone here to prophesy into our next years, to tell us of the term that lies ahead of the end of this one, I guess again then such a prophet could tell us of the hopes and dreams we didn’t realize it was worth having. The same prophet could warn us of the horriblenesses that do lie ahead for us and speak of the average and mundane as well.
Fortunately, though, we don’t usually get subjected to either a blow by blow analysis of the events past or future for ourselves – we do, though, get it about world out there according to the news media. Dominant on the screen over the next few weeks will be the worst, the biggest, the bleakest events of the year for us to contemplate once again. And analysts will sit down to make their predictions for the future of the world markets, of politics, of the weather and global warming, of war and rumours of wars.
Some of what we hear will be quite negative and laden with a sense that everything is doomed – that there’s no way out and that all that is good is coming to the end. The list of doom is quite long these days
Global warming, the ozone hole, overpopulation, starvation and malnutrition, war, unemployment, the destruction of species and the rain forests, pollution of water and air, pesticide and herbicide poisoning, errors in genetic engineering, erosion of topsoil, overfishing, anarchy and crime, the possibility of a nuclear mishap, chemical warfare or all-out nuclear war: together, or in some cases singly, these dangers threaten to "catch us unexpectedly, like a trap."
… when you hear this list how does it feel?
Apocalypse Now, that’s what I feel,
Apocalypse Now – the lyrics from the Doors opened the film of the same name – they sang:
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
I feel this gloom at the close of the year. The harbingers of doom have spoken.
Now you are probably all starting to wish you hadn’t come to this blessed carol service, with a gloomy Jeremiah of a Chaplain filling your Christmas cheer with a few lead weights.
Here’s the good news though -- Having a sense of the apocalyptic is exactly what we need, especially because its Christmas. We need it because it is only when the prophets of doom begin to speak that we start to think about what we are going to do. It is only when someone says ‘it can’t go on like this’ that we can decide what course of action we want to take.
So the writer of the letter to the Hebrews explains
(Hebrew 4 verse 1) ‘Long ago God spoke to our ancestors in many and various ways by the prophets,’
The Doors aren’t the first prophets of doom, there’s been plenty before – why declare doom – God did it, the prophets did it, the pundits do it to give us all a choice – and the choice is plain, we have one of two options – we get stuck or we do something about it.
Walter Wink a political theologian from the US speaks of apocalyptic negativity and apocalyptic positivity – we can listen to the doom merchants and became frozen in terror that’s the negativity, or we can hear, change course, even slightly and then perhaps alleviate the doom that is being declared. It’s a bit like no pain, no gain: I’d say ‘no doom no vroom’.
But there’s more – it doesn’t end with doom –
Rather than God leaving us to get ourselves sorted out by listening to the doom merchants he gives us something else, someone else who doesn’t just bring us doom, but brings us hope. God brings something greater than a messenger – God brings himself to us.
The passage goes on (Hebrew 4 verse 2) ‘but in these last days he has spoken to us by a Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, through whom he also created the worlds’.
Rather than keeping on giving us news of the end of the world, God at Christmas in the birth of Jesus gives to the world ‘the heir of all things’ that is the one who has ownership, has responsibility for us all. Jesus is the the very opposite of destruction – Jesus represents the all that is and all that was and all that will ever be – Jesus is the beginning of all things, Jesus is the force that continues all things and completes them too.
It was doom that brought Jesus to us – it is because there is always impending apocalypse that Jesus comes – so that when we stir from action, we can stir not just driven by the fear of destruction. Jesus comes so that we can shift from looking into the face of disaster and turn to look into the face of hope.
Too often our world gives us apocalyptic sentiment which freezes us, even if it is meant to inspire us into action. And even if we get hold of apocalyptic positivity – the desire to change the direction of things only slightly to save us from disaster, then still God says ‘that isn’t enough’ no God gives us more than that.
As Hebrews 4 verses 3 and 4 puts it: ‘He is the reflection of God’s glory and the exact imprint of God’s very being, and he sustains* all things by his powerful word. When he had made purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.
It is the greatness and this power for hope, hope for the now, hope for all that will be that God has gifted us with this Christmas. The hope of sins forgiven, the hope of power greater than millions of angels, power greater than all things; that’s the message of Christmas – hope to transform our fear, hope to move us beyond the deathliness of apocalypse, hope to lead us farther up and farther in. That’s the spirit, that’s the Christmas spirit, that’s the message, that’s what we’re all waiting for.
And if we dare to believe it, and receive the love God shows in Jesus, we can let go of the fear of the death of things, and embrace the hope of the beginning of all that will be with Jesus, from here to eternity. Then, we can pray in true Christmas Spirit because we will share our Christmasses with the source of Christmas hope – Jesus the Christ. Then we will be able to pray with him: ‘for all that has been; thanks, for all that will be, yes’.
Amen.
I wonder what we think of when we consider the phrase ‘Christmas Spirit’ – I guess many of us think of closeness, of giving tokens of love and friendship, of happiness and all being right on the domestic front, a break from work, a chance to go to Church again, or for a change. That’s the way I’ve tended to think – now though I’ve changed a bit, this year’s had a strange affect on me. Now when I think of Christmas spirit I tend to think of apocalypse and hope – and I think that way because its exactly what we need – it is only by thinking apocalyptic and hopeful thoughts that we can get a move on, and we certainly need that. Let me explain.
Here comes the end of the year and with it our many perspectives on what kind of year it was. What kind of year was it for you? Did it fulfil all your wildest hopes and dreams, and some? Was it average, or just plain horrible? I guess there’ll have been a bit of everything for each of us; some wonderful stuff, some horribleness and some things which were just plain average.
And if we had someone here to prophesy into our next years, to tell us of the term that lies ahead of the end of this one, I guess again then such a prophet could tell us of the hopes and dreams we didn’t realize it was worth having. The same prophet could warn us of the horriblenesses that do lie ahead for us and speak of the average and mundane as well.
Fortunately, though, we don’t usually get subjected to either a blow by blow analysis of the events past or future for ourselves – we do, though, get it about world out there according to the news media. Dominant on the screen over the next few weeks will be the worst, the biggest, the bleakest events of the year for us to contemplate once again. And analysts will sit down to make their predictions for the future of the world markets, of politics, of the weather and global warming, of war and rumours of wars.
Some of what we hear will be quite negative and laden with a sense that everything is doomed – that there’s no way out and that all that is good is coming to the end. The list of doom is quite long these days
Global warming, the ozone hole, overpopulation, starvation and malnutrition, war, unemployment, the destruction of species and the rain forests, pollution of water and air, pesticide and herbicide poisoning, errors in genetic engineering, erosion of topsoil, overfishing, anarchy and crime, the possibility of a nuclear mishap, chemical warfare or all-out nuclear war: together, or in some cases singly, these dangers threaten to "catch us unexpectedly, like a trap."
… when you hear this list how does it feel?
Apocalypse Now, that’s what I feel,
Apocalypse Now – the lyrics from the Doors opened the film of the same name – they sang:
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
I feel this gloom at the close of the year. The harbingers of doom have spoken.
Now you are probably all starting to wish you hadn’t come to this blessed carol service, with a gloomy Jeremiah of a Chaplain filling your Christmas cheer with a few lead weights.
Here’s the good news though -- Having a sense of the apocalyptic is exactly what we need, especially because its Christmas. We need it because it is only when the prophets of doom begin to speak that we start to think about what we are going to do. It is only when someone says ‘it can’t go on like this’ that we can decide what course of action we want to take.
So the writer of the letter to the Hebrews explains
(Hebrew 4 verse 1) ‘Long ago God spoke to our ancestors in many and various ways by the prophets,’
The Doors aren’t the first prophets of doom, there’s been plenty before – why declare doom – God did it, the prophets did it, the pundits do it to give us all a choice – and the choice is plain, we have one of two options – we get stuck or we do something about it.
Walter Wink a political theologian from the US speaks of apocalyptic negativity and apocalyptic positivity – we can listen to the doom merchants and became frozen in terror that’s the negativity, or we can hear, change course, even slightly and then perhaps alleviate the doom that is being declared. It’s a bit like no pain, no gain: I’d say ‘no doom no vroom’.
But there’s more – it doesn’t end with doom –
Rather than God leaving us to get ourselves sorted out by listening to the doom merchants he gives us something else, someone else who doesn’t just bring us doom, but brings us hope. God brings something greater than a messenger – God brings himself to us.
The passage goes on (Hebrew 4 verse 2) ‘but in these last days he has spoken to us by a Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, through whom he also created the worlds’.
Rather than keeping on giving us news of the end of the world, God at Christmas in the birth of Jesus gives to the world ‘the heir of all things’ that is the one who has ownership, has responsibility for us all. Jesus is the the very opposite of destruction – Jesus represents the all that is and all that was and all that will ever be – Jesus is the beginning of all things, Jesus is the force that continues all things and completes them too.
It was doom that brought Jesus to us – it is because there is always impending apocalypse that Jesus comes – so that when we stir from action, we can stir not just driven by the fear of destruction. Jesus comes so that we can shift from looking into the face of disaster and turn to look into the face of hope.
Too often our world gives us apocalyptic sentiment which freezes us, even if it is meant to inspire us into action. And even if we get hold of apocalyptic positivity – the desire to change the direction of things only slightly to save us from disaster, then still God says ‘that isn’t enough’ no God gives us more than that.
As Hebrews 4 verses 3 and 4 puts it: ‘He is the reflection of God’s glory and the exact imprint of God’s very being, and he sustains* all things by his powerful word. When he had made purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.
It is the greatness and this power for hope, hope for the now, hope for all that will be that God has gifted us with this Christmas. The hope of sins forgiven, the hope of power greater than millions of angels, power greater than all things; that’s the message of Christmas – hope to transform our fear, hope to move us beyond the deathliness of apocalypse, hope to lead us farther up and farther in. That’s the spirit, that’s the Christmas spirit, that’s the message, that’s what we’re all waiting for.
And if we dare to believe it, and receive the love God shows in Jesus, we can let go of the fear of the death of things, and embrace the hope of the beginning of all that will be with Jesus, from here to eternity. Then, we can pray in true Christmas Spirit because we will share our Christmasses with the source of Christmas hope – Jesus the Christ. Then we will be able to pray with him: ‘for all that has been; thanks, for all that will be, yes’.
Amen.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Canterbury Chase
Chased down to Canterbury to find I'd arrived two days late for an event. These days my diary management goes pretty well, this must be the most amazing diary mistake of my life. I was so thrown, and suddenly, sat in the Cathedral all alone I felt the still small voice of God in the most vivid of ways. So I would do it again!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
A Julian Contemplation
I find this contemplation very helpful when feeling anxious or panicky.
Be silent
Be still
Wait before your God
Say nothing
Ask nothing
Be still
Let your God look upon you
That is all
God knows
God understands
God loves you with an enormous love
God only wants to look upon you with love
Quiet
Still
Be
Let God love you
Be silent
Be still
Wait before your God
Say nothing
Ask nothing
Be still
Let your God look upon you
That is all
God knows
God understands
God loves you with an enormous love
God only wants to look upon you with love
Quiet
Still
Be
Let God love you
Friday, December 09, 2005
via negativa
The thing about walking the 'way of what isn't' or being in the dark night of the soul is that it confirms to me more fully what is. My demons are the things that aren't true, the things of fear, the things of confusion. Unmasking, naming and engaging all of these untruths can only leave me in a better place, a knowing place, more fully embracing truth, more certain of love.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
birthday
Birthday food with friends and candles good. Also received good news about the business case for the Chaplaincy being approved.
Know my place.
Dark night of the soul.
Love.
Know my place.
Dark night of the soul.
Love.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Durham day
Had to go to Durham to get my passport sorted out. Made the most of the trip, spent a good 3 hours with a friend talking about current stuff. We've met every month or two for six years, so making headway together comes with ease now. Something they suggested which was particularly useful for me to explore is the concept of the via negativa -- the way of discovering what isn't. This is a way of tension and ambiguity, of empty desert space. A powerful route for journeying ...
Also popped in to see my spiritual director, we had a happy 20 minutes together. Then had a fairly blissed out return run on the train, in something of a daze dream.
Last night marked the end of a ten week phase, in that the couple I've been preparing for marriage didn't meet with me because I married them (to each other) last Saturday. That was a fantastic occassion, lots of good humour, chance to speak of love and celebrate it. Last night was also the last of 10 Emmaus group meetings in my home. We looked at the sudden end of Luke (the last 4 verses) and ate loads of Mexican style food -- yummy. A lovely day.
Also popped in to see my spiritual director, we had a happy 20 minutes together. Then had a fairly blissed out return run on the train, in something of a daze dream.
Last night marked the end of a ten week phase, in that the couple I've been preparing for marriage didn't meet with me because I married them (to each other) last Saturday. That was a fantastic occassion, lots of good humour, chance to speak of love and celebrate it. Last night was also the last of 10 Emmaus group meetings in my home. We looked at the sudden end of Luke (the last 4 verses) and ate loads of Mexican style food -- yummy. A lovely day.
Monday, December 05, 2005
further advent thoughts
Advent – a waiting time -- is on my mind, the end of term is too. This zone before the next phase is frantic for me, conscious that in a matter of two or three weeks everything will suddenly feel very different from how it is now I'm waiting for the change. Being in this frantic waiting place causes some of my deepest emotions to surface; ones of hope and eagerness and also of pain and fear. Consumerism suggests to me that everything is mine by right and that I can have it now. There is another call on me though which tells me to find a way to patience and stillness so that the deeper and fuller things of life can fully unfold. So although I find the waiting hard … it is a good wayl
Sunday, December 04, 2005
breaking the silence
Have been happily occupied since the last blog with many things -- the challenges of term time and friendship. Suddenly its advent, a silent waiting time when decay is more evident than change. Into this silence there is perhaps a latent undercurrent of groaning for liberation, as yet though it is undefineable, and hard to tell the direction from which it is coming, if it is coming at all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
